Trying to make huge life choices when all I want to do is go to Disney World again!
At the time of writing this post I am 31 and will turn 32 in under 4 months. When this happened, I am not quite sure and my thirties appear to have sneaked up on me. My thirties have been great so far – became an aunt twice, moved up at work, bought my forever home, experienced some amazing vacations, Iceland, Berlin, Paris, Orlando, Bahamas. Not only that I have some amazing vacations booked or being planned – Copenhagen, San Francisco, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Nashville, Shanghai to name just a few.
This is where my dilemma come in – at what point do I stop to become a parent or do I keep going around the world? How do I know when the time is right? Or even what is the right thing to do? Should I become a parent or should I continue to travel the world?
There are many people in life who are very clear in their choice to have a baby. Some people its everything they have ever dreamed of; some people know all their life that they don’t want kids.
I am somewhere in the middle. Some days there are yearnings for a child but not enough to make me sure that’s what I want. For years I was confident I would never be a mother. Being an aunt was as close to being a mother as I wanted to get. Then one day I found myself wanting a child of my own. To have a life that I was responsible for, to care for, to nurture and to love unconditionally. As quickly as those feelings arrived they disappeared but do pop up every so often.
My wanderlust has remained high since my mid-twenties. If I have any free time, I will be looking up new destinations or planning vacations. Days are spent dreaming of far of locations and experiences. There has never been a vacation that I regretted. There have been plenty I wouldnt do again but none I have ever regretted.
Travel is my passion at this time in my life. Obviously a child and a trip to New York City are not comparable but the travel represents my freedom. Becoming a parent changes everything and that is the real choice I am trying to make. How do I know if I should become a parent?
Would I regret having a baby? Would I regret taking away my opportunity to travel the way I have done for the last few years? Are those pangs of maternal need enough to warrant changing everything about my life? Or will that baby arrive and all my dreaming of Hawaii and Bora Bora will fade away?
Some days I do find myself envious of those who know what they want. Envious of those who are sure parenting is for them and envious of those who have always know they will never be a parent.
The years remaining on my biological clock are disappearing fast. I know I am only 31 but with over two years of vacations in the planning and my birthday just a few months away, I will be on the wrong end of my 30s before I know it. Its not like when I was in my mid-twenties and I could tell myself, its alright you have years to make those decisions.
Today my heart leans towards never being a mother but just yesterday I was planning maternity outfits and toddler activities on Pinterest.
Honestly I believe that no matter what happens, my husband and I will lead a happy, full and satisfying life. If that life will involves our family growing, only time will tell.